#105: The art of the.. conversation

Good evening, friends.

For many of us, it’s been a bruising week, personally and professionally, as the repercussions of ‘Liberation Day’ have reverberated through financial markets. I hope the weekend has been more relaxing and brought some space to reset.

As the Head of Behavioural Finance in a Private Bank, my role is to support investors in navigating the psychological challenges of the investing journey. Times like these are when I’m at my busiest—and when I feel the greatest pressure to perform.

While I keep this newsletter focused away from the content of my day job, I’ve included links at the bottom to a couple of pieces I’ve published this week. I’ll also be on a podcast tomorrow morning, where I’ll be expanding on some of those ideas.

Conversations with investors at times like these are challenging, but I had one that was particularly so this week. It was conducted entirely in Mandarin.

It reminded me how much of a good conversation depends on more than just words. Whether we’re aiming to connect, reassure, educate, or influence, it’s often the surrounding context—the tone, pacing, attention, and presence—that matters most.

Speaking Chinese

I’ll illustrate it through various quirks of the conversation:

• Eye contact and attention: I had a real-time translator running on my phone, which I was focused on while the conversation happened. That meant I had to divert my gaze away from faces and body language—usually essential for gauging emotion and understanding nuance.

• Speaking through an intermediary: Each sentence I spoke was paused and then translated by someone else on the call. It forced me to slow down, to use the simplest and clearest possible language—and to embrace silence while I waited.

• Limited back-and-forth: Because of the friction introduced by translation, I couldn’t rely on easy conversational flow. There was less room for follow-up questions, moments of humour, or shared digressions. The dialogue was more structured, and a little less organic.

And yet—it was meaningful and it worked. The experience reminded me of a simple truth: a good conversation isn’t just about being heard; it’s about making the other person feel understood.

Sometimes that means slowing down. Listening more. Stripping things back to their essentials. Being willing to sit with a pause. In a world that moves fast and often rewards the loudest voice in the room, that kind of presence is surprisingly rare—and incredibly powerful.

The science of a good conversation

Subsequently, I had a look at the science:

1. Active listening builds connection

   • Active listening—fully focusing, avoiding interruption, and reflecting back understanding—is key to building trust and rapport.

   • Neuroscience backs this up: when people feel truly heard, it lights up brain areas related to pleasure and social bonding.

2. Balance is key

   • The most successful conversations have a near-even split in talking time, with participants taking short turns and building on each other’s points.

   • Conversational turn-taking is predictive of effective teamwork, negotiation, and even friendship.

3. Curiosity is contagious

   • People who ask more follow-up questions (especially “how” and “why” questions) are perceived as more likable and intelligent.

   • It also builds empathy, the willingness to see the world through someone else’s eyes.

4. Emotion trumps information

   • Emotional resonance is more memorable than factual precision. People remember how you made them feel, not just what you said.

5. Silence matters

   • Silence after someone speaks helps encode memory and deepen understanding—and in some cases, it creates a greater sense of connection than a quick reply.

Implementation idea

• What’s the most meaningful conversation you’ve had lately? What made it so?

• In your next conversation, focus more on how you’re listening than on what you’ll say next.

A good conversation - whether in our personal or professional lives - has many important aspects. Remember, it’s much more than just the words you say.

— AJ

On my bedside table:

🎙Podcast: Markets Weekly. I’ll be talking about bear market psychology, which should be published Mon 14th approx 3 pm onwards.

📱LinkedIn post: A note to all advisors during market turbulence.

📰 Article: Market turbulence - how not to react.

💬 Quote: "Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." – Stephen R. Covey

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