One of the biggest impediments to living life to its fullest is insecurity. It limits us because it leads us to hold back. We stay quiet, we shy away from situations, we hide parts of ourselves, and we put ourselves down.

When we let our insecurities linger, we are putting a limit on the degree with which we can experience all of what life has to offer.

Insecurity is a state of anxiety and self-doubt rooted in a negative evaluation of the self — in appearance, intelligence, social worth, or competence — held with far more certainty than the evidence warrants.

Psychologists describe it as a threat to the perceived self: not necessarily who you are, but who you believe yourself to be.

The first step is awareness. Clearly articulate to yourself what your insecurities are.

Overcome the fear of putting them into words on paper, and number them so they exist as separate, named things rather than a formless weight you carry.

Because of their very nature, we typically shy away from the things we are insecure about, so this exercise alone can be powerful.

When I forced myself to do this, I found it deeply uncomfortable at first; I clashed with the identity I'd built as someone fully secure in themselves. I put down two things I'd been subconsciously aware of for many years. The act of naming them allowed me to see, clearly, how each had shaped the way I move through life.

Next is tracing back the origin story. What happened in your past for it to become an insecurity? It is typically something from earlier in life, and understanding that can be helpful because it allows you to recognise that those circumstances no longer apply.

Reframe it in your mind. It is not a deficiency; it is an unfinished piece of work. See this not as an excavation of your failures, but as a way to become stronger.

Do the hard work. Overcoming insecurities is undoubtedly harder than learning a new skill from scratch, because you will have negative emotions associated with the process, and that makes everything more difficult.

For long-standing insecurities, the negative self-commentary will be so entrenched that you may experience significant resistance. Remember: the resistance you feel is a sign you are close to growth. As the quote goes, "effort is only effort when it begins to hurt."

An extremely important word: have compassion for yourself for not knowing what you know now.

Making discoveries about yourself can be energising in the short term. There is real optimism in awareness; the sense that things can be different, that you can be different, that life can be better.

However, in the medium term you can experience a slump. As your awareness sharpens, you may begin to see the shape of what the insecurity has cost you; the opportunities you didn't take, the relationships you held at arm's length, the version of yourself you kept quieter than you needed to. You may feel anger towards the people or circumstances that planted it. That anger may be legitimate. But lingering there not only affects your wellbeing, but it keeps you in the past precisely when the work requires you to be present.

So allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel as you connect the dots, but show yourself compassion. The fact that you are doing this work at all is worth a lot.

Then comes the final stage. The insecurity may not disappear entirely, but it loses its grip. You start to catch it operating in real time, and that gap between trigger and response is where the freedom lives. Life doesn't suddenly look different. You just stop shrinking it to fit the story you were told about yourself.

— AJ

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