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- #72 Ojalá
Greetings from Madrid.
I'm here under sombre circumstances, but nonetheless, my feelings of wellbeing have been infinitely higher over the last few days. Longer, sunnier, warmer days in a happier and more relaxed society, with my family. I'm home and I feel like a different person.
In Spanish, we use the word ojalá, which translates to 'I wish' or 'I hope'. Ojalá, she's not in too much pain. Ojalá, there will be laughter again.
Many will see a similarity with the Arabic phrase إن شاء الله, 'Inshallah', God willing. The influence of Arabic on the Spanish language is significant.
Looking back
When talking about the past, ojalá can mean 'I wish' or 'if only'. Ojalá, I knew then what I know now. Ojalá, you could see how different everything is now.
If there were a transcript of my daily thoughts, the word ojalá would appear frequently.
What if?
A part of being human is reflecting on the past and asking, 'What if?' Some people are more predisposed to ask this question than others.
Being reflective and asking ourselves what-ifs can be valuable in learning life lessons. By thinking through different scenarios, including ones that didn't materialise, we can gain insight and wisdom that can help us better navigate the future.
However, there are limits to how useful this is. The Greeks used to say we suffer our way to wisdom. But self-induced suffering over what-ifs cannot change the past and doesn't improve the present. It is essential to strike a balance between looking back and looking forward.
Regret
Regret is a natural and inevitable part of life, stemming from the realisation that a different choice could have led to a better outcome. It often manifests as feelings of disappointment, guilt, or self-blame.
However, dwelling on regret can affect mental wellbeing and have significant spillover effects on the rest of our lives. We owe it to ourselves to make the most of the present and the future. It is never too late to do so.
Implementation idea
Three strategies for coping with regret:
Objectively analyse the situation to identify the factors contributing to the outcome and use this knowledge to inform future decisions.
Set realistic expectations, accepting that not every decision will lead to the desired outcome and understand that failures are growth opportunities.
Practice self-compassion, recognising that everyone makes mistakes and that experiencing regret does not diminish one's worth or capabilities.
Best, AJ.
On my bedside table:
Non-fiction: The Social Animal by David Brooks (link)
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