Building habits around desired identity instead of desired outcomes

It's natural to start the process of changing habits based on what it is we’re trying to achieve, i.e. around goals or results. 

Let’s imagine a person who wants to stop drinking alcohol. In social settings they may say, ‘No thanks, I’m trying to cut down’, when offered a drink. This sounds reasonable. 

Imagine another person with the same goal, who instead says, ‘No thanks, I no longer drink’. It’s a simple change of phrasing, but stems from a very different approach to changing habits. 

The first person believes that they are a drinker who is trying to be a different person; they are waiting for their behaviours to change. In contrast, the second person sees themselves with a new identity as a non-drinker. Alcohol formed part of a previous life for them. 

The role of identity in habit formation

One reason that people fail to stick to new habits is that the new behaviours are not associated with the person they identify themselves as, and so it is difficult for those behaviours to stick. 

Imagine a person aiming to eat healthily, but not seeing themselves as a healthy person, or a student who wants to study more, but doesn’t see themselves as a good student. It is difficult to change habits if you don’t also change the beliefs that led to the previous behaviours you are trying to change. 

A way to make habits stick is if they become an integral part of your identity. There’s a significant difference in saying, ‘I’m the the kind of person that wants this’, versus, ‘I’m the kind of person that is this’. The student that sees themselves as a good student and is proud of that is more likely to undertake the behaviours associated with that identity - studying more. Identity and behaviours reinforce each other; each time they study they reinforce that identity as a good student, which leads to more study.

Implementation idea

Reflect on any habits you are trying to change, and reflect on who it is you are trying to be. Once you have that clear, evidence to yourself that you can be that person by continually undertaking and achieving the actions and victories of that kind of person. 

A few examples:

• The goal is not to write a book, it’s to become a writer

• The goal is not to eat less junk food, it’s to become a healthy and disciplined person

• The goal is not to spend less time on social media, it’s to become a person too busy enjoying real life to need it

Once you decide on who you want to be, you can take small steps to reinforce that desired identity. By continuously asking yourself if these actions are those that the person you seek to be would undertake, and altering your actions accordingly, you slowly become that person. Your habits shape your identity, and your identity shapes your habits.