The power of remembering names

What is the sweetest sound in the world? Is it birds chirping on an early spring morning? Is it the ocean crashing against rocks on a late summer’s evening?

In Dale Carnegie's classic book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People,’ he writes, "Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language." We can all attest to someone unexpectedly remembering and using our name in an interaction and how valued it made us feel.

This newsletter aims to fulfil our intrinsic desires to be the best person we can be. However, that is not something we will achieve by solely focusing on ourselves. A big part of success across all aspects of our lives comes from the quality of the relationships we form with others.

Of all the things we can do to build connections with others on a personal level, remembering their names is one of the simplest and most effective.

Why remembering names matters

For one, it shows that we value the person and their presence in our lives. It also helps to create a sense of connection and community, which is especially important in today’s fast-paced and often impersonal world.

When we remember someone’s name and use it in conversation, it helps to build trust and rapport. People are more likely to be open and receptive to us when they feel we care about them. It also shows that we are attentive and detail-oriented, which can be especially important in a professional setting.

On the flip side, forgetting someone’s name can be awkward, embarrassing, and even damage a relationship. The other person can feel undervalued or unimportant, creating a sense of distance or awkwardness. This is something to be particularly aware of for people with names that others typically struggle to spell or pronounce or avoid attempting.

Implementation idea

Make a concerted effort to remember and use people's names in conversation in your interactions next week. For example, you could commit to using someone’s name at least three times in an exchange. 

In particular, focus on those whose names you typically give less attention to. For example, I have a note on my phone where I store the names of people I interact with infrequently, such as receptionists, waiters and waitresses, barbers etc.

How can we get better at remembering names? Repeating the person’s name back to them when we first meet them helps reinforce the name in our minds and shows the other person that we are listening and engaged. If we don’t quite catch it when they tell us, asking the person to spell it out can be even more effective than asking them to repeat it. Using associations and visualisations is another technique.

Practice makes perfect. The more you try to remember names, the easier it becomes over time. This, in turn, will lead to deeper connections with the people in our lives.

Best, Alex Joshi.

On my bedside table:

• Non-fiction: How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, Dale Carnege & Associates (link)

  • Few new ideas if you’ve read the original

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